I’m not sure that the reality has set in that all the planning, preparation, and hours of time spent getting ready for South Africa will finally be put to rest a week from Friday (today:1220 am as I write this)

Rest, that may be nice, but seems overrated until one stops by to find apartment full of water. I’ve been dog sitting for some dear friends. I thought it may be interesting to get some much needed things done while I’m away from my place. I Had the apartment complex put a new dishwasher in only to find that the work wasn’t checked thoroughly.

Tonight I wisely decided to stop by after finishing the senior video for the banquet on Saturday. To my surprise the many calls to the office have presented with more problems then I had prior to calling. Now this may be a rant based solely on fatigue. And I’m ok with that, because it’s a safe outlet (to some extent)

I sit on the stoop waiting for the water extraction dude unless he fell back asleep. Either way these are the moments that I take for granted because in the midst of all of this is Jesus saying I know, I understand, and I’m here. Trust me.

I could touch on how well I’ve been taking care of the dog but that would be immediately looked over due to the fact that he chewed through a computer cord of some nature and two shoes.

I’m reminded of Paul’s journey through the testing of ones faith. The weariness of a soul is only partially cognizant of the lesson sitting in the corner waiting for a chance to be heard.

I sit on the porch, learning to listen for that voice. So far all I can hear are my own complaints.

For what its worth

pastor McManus once said,

all you need to be an artist is a soul

if God was separating day and night and it was “good”, why do we spend so much time creating art that is exceptional, extraordinary, revolutionary…

is it ok to just create art that is good?

on Friday, I was reminded how sweet friendship is, actually this entire week I have been reminded of this

once a year a leadership event is held around this time in Atlanta, GA called the Chick-fil-A Leadercast. This is my second year to attend this simulcast event.

First speaker out of the gate, Andy Stanley. Andy is founder of North Point Ministries, Inc. (a ministry that has grown to five locations in the Atlanta area)

Stanley is a stand up guy, relational in every sense of the word. He is authentic and intense, passionate about helping others around him. When he speaks there is a chance to grab truth and run with it. Almost like he lights a torch and passes it off to you, expecting you to run with it.

The most difficult part about listening to him or reading one of his many works is that it’s so challenging, applicable, and actionable. It truly pushes one to work out the principles and teaching in real time.

Yesterday was no different than my expectations. Taking the stage he spoke about 3 critical questions a leader should always be asking himself.

1. what would my replacement do?

2. what would a great leader do?

3. what story do I want to tell the world?

All three are simple in their own way and yet must be unpacked and looked at from many different angles. The story question has had me in one of my cognitive trances. It’s really a question of legacy, and as my mother would say how you want to show up in the world. 

After the conference, due to a cancelled coffee meeting, I was able to unpack one of his newest works called When work and Family Collide: Keeping your job from cheating your family.

What a wonderful look at cheating and the truth of balance and walking a principled existence. He uses beautiful language surrounding the story of Daniel to piece together the entire work. Great read, I must say.

This week I have been confronted over and over again with how wretched my soul actually is. My desire is selfish in every regard of the word, I judge incredibly hard and place that under many other guises, to make myself feel better (like that of a Pharisee. I was crying out to the Lord last night and this morning, begging for forgiveness for how I have hugely disregarded His Way, His truth, His life)

I was talking with a older lady today, she asked me what sort of work I was in. Of course, it’s always interesting to watch the reaction of folks once you say pastor. This particular lady wasn’t at all surprised. She began to explain the internal struggle that one in ministry experiences and the waves of different emotions, convictions, movements, rhythms that a pastor goes in and out of. Almost as if she knew me better then I knew myself. She began to speak life into me and encourage me. For a moment I was not sitting with an older lady at a coffee shop, I was sitting with Jesus. He was wrapping His arms of grace and love around me like a warm blanket. He was in our midst.

As I was contemplating the nuances of this divine moment I was reminded of the many ways that we fall short of the glory of God. I was encouraged by the story of this guy (click on word guy and watch his story) who got caught in the cross-hair of those around him. What I found interesting about this story was not that he had made a mistake but that God wanted to do massive things through Him. God wanted to break His heart and change Him and make Him more aware of the grace that is offered in the midst of any and all sin. We all should be able to relate to this guy. We have been forgiven much. And Jesus bends over writes in the sand and ask the one who hasn’t sinned to cast the first stone.

I’m thankful for these reminders, specifically in moments when lights illuminating the places I have already been forgiven for.

Chapter 7: The Power of God in Worship

“The great difference between us and Abraham, David and Paul is that they sought Him and found Him and seeking Him still, found Him and sought Him-continually!

We accept Him- and seek Him no more and that is the difference.”

This book has been powerful in my life, from the moment I started reading the pages, I have been captivated by tozer’s ability to marry the concept of worship with deep longing and satisfaction of seeking.

There is something beautiful about the pursuit of the Lord in all things. This morning while I was chatting with my friend and boss David Martin I was reminded that The Lord wants us to wait on Him. He quoted a sermon he recently listened to and I found it relevant to what my heart and mind were already ruminating.

“What seems to be like a pointless or even painful waiting room may be God’s most productive work room”

For me the truth in this is generally when I’m waiting on the Lord He is working in me, making me more aware of how much I need Him.

“You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart,” Jeremiah 29.13

The beauty of relationship with the Father is the continual seeking. The continual seeking, knocking, asking, pursuing…that’s what I’m after.

Worship is fully understood when we are seeking with all our heart.

i love soda, sugar, caffeine, and basically anything that is bad for your body. I have addictive tendencies and virtually take anything good or bad to it’s full extent.

Last night after work I decided I would watch a documentary called Forks and Knives that was recommended by Pastor Shane Patrick. I would just like to say thanks so much for ruining my life. (or charting a better course for me)

I will be experimenting for awhile with a whole foods plant based diet. Will be working on dieting for a multitude of reasons. Lunch today was interesting, looking at labels and thinking about what animal products were in each of the foods I picked up. If you are a vegetarian, vegan, whole food plant consumer, I want to know you. I want to learn from you.

I really would like to learn to cook using this new diet, so if you are patient and would like to help, send me tips, tricks, articles, books, etc.

Excited for what this will mean for my health, wellness, and life.

I find this to be a massive push for more discipline in my life, which will ultimately translate into discipline into other areas.

So goodbye to pizza, burgers, soda, and loads and loads of sugar that I have grown to enjoy.

The question we should ask ourselves everyday. And yet we get caught up in what we are doing, where we are going, and what our world is about. Shocking to find that others live differently. There are some who discipline their minds, hearts, and spirits to be more attune to what God wants to do in the world. I write this as many choose to go shoeless today, Toms shoes, check out the news, you will see what I’m talking about. Sometimes we do things for others to be inspired to do the same or better and yet the below reading makes me re-think any action I take. It reminds me that God will use the things I choose to do in secret just like they were used in Esther’s life.

Francis Chan in his book Forgotten God writes the following:

“Esther ahn kim’s biography is among the most powerful testimonies I have ever read. It was during WWII, and the Japanese occupation of Korea, that Esther’s journey of faith really began. She refused to bow down at the shrines set up in every corner of her country and was eventually imprisoned for six years, from 1939 until 1945. Knowing she was destined for prison for refusing to bow to idols, Esther spent time training herself both physically and spiritually. Each day she would find and eat food that was decaying, knowing that was what she would be served in prison. The discipline she demonstrated is humbling; how many of us would choose to eat rotten foods? While preparing for prison, she memorized more than one hundred chapters of the Bible and many hymns because she knew she would not be allowed to keep her Bible. She spent countless hours seeking God through fasting and prayer. These times when she read the Scriptures led to greater clarity, and she was able to surrender her fear of being tortured. Reading her story left me wanting more. More intimacy with Christ. More love for people. More of God in my life. And to be honest, more discipline. She was well-disciplined believer, but there was nothing self-righteous about her. Her obedience to Christ only increased her ability to hear the voice of the Spirit, and consequently filled her with overwhelming love for the people she came in contact with. When she eventually was taken to prison, God used her in countless ways. One night a young Chinese woman convicted of killing her husband was brought in. She moaned incessantly and beat on the doors until the guards tied her hands behind her back. It was this woman that God called Esther to love and reach out to. Esther held the woman’s feet at night to warm them, even though the woman was covered in her own excrement. Though food rations were small, Esther gave up her portions for three days to this woman. Over time, the Chinese woman began to respond, carrying on conversation and eventually accepting the good news of the gospel. The woman was later executed for her crime, but she went to her death alive in Christ. This is one of many people GOd used Esther to minister to. Murderers and swindlers who were utter outcasts were changed before all who watched as the love of Christ, through Esther, healed their hears and gave them hope. Even the jailers and government officials noticed how Esther shone in that dark place. She could have just endured her suffering like a good Christian, and we would have applauded her for it. But she was not content to merely endure. She was ready every day and ever moment, asking God, “Who do You want me to love for You today?”“

Who in your life does He want you to love today?

Is it the shoeless orphan halfway across the world, the single mother next door, the prisoner, stranger, or long lost friend?

What areas of your life need discipline? What steps are you taking?

rest to me is time spent alone in solitude and contemplation

when I lived in south Africa I was introduced to the beautiful sport of cycling by a dear friend of mine

this afternoon I decided that I would spend my time exploring the large majority of bandera rd on its way out to helotus.

headphones in, 2 gallons of water on back, and a few hours to spare

me, myself, and I raced down Woodlawn lane and charted my way to bandera road.

these times are refreshing to me, I get lost in thought, prayer, contemplation

the strain of the small elevations don’t compare to the mountains of thought I am slowly conquering

I’m an introvert at heart but a practiced, learned communicator (extrovert)

I love cycling and what it speaks of so many topics.

I’m thankful for friends that are willing to borrow their gear out, I’m enjoying the single speed, and hopefully building leg strength and endurance without the derailleur.

I want to build a 30 miler in on a daily basis, I know that this would produce a very calm, cool, and collected ryan

let’s see what we can do